No Heaven For A G

I was sitting here watching “Lie to Me” on Hulu, and for whatever reason, I just started thinking. Well, for one, we’ve been out of the relationship longer than we were in it. I’m so used to being his girlfriend, even though my time spent being his girlfriend was short. I just loved that feeling, for whatever reason. And after the relationship was over, I wanted it to be defined. Are we friends? Are we back to being in a pseudo-relationship? Is it still a relationship? Why am I being treated like a girlfriend, and yet I’m not the girlfriend? I felt like I was in relationship purgatory. We still act(ed) like a couple, we were still “faithful” to each other (however that works), we still love each other, we still…we’re still us… But I just didn’t understand why I couldn’t have my damn title. And then, it started to piss me off. It really made me angry. How could he expect me to do these “girlfriend” things, and not call me his girlfriend? How could he expect me to change for him, but he wouldn’t even define “us”? It honestly pissed me off more than everything. And it really started to show. I came so close to hating him. He was putting me through it. But it wasn’t his fault and in the back of my mind, I understood it. I understand it.

And now, we’re 7 and a half months broken up. 7 and a half months of being undefined. Of being in a pseudo-relationship. And now… I feel guilty… for not wanting it back. But after so long of wanting it and not being able to have it, no matter what I did, I guess I just said “fuck it.” “Fuck it” is the best feeling in the world sometimes. Maybe one day… but not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe not even in the near future. And I suppose that’s fine by me…for now.

I just wanted to write something before my completely unrelated photo spam of Josue Sarrazola.